I noticed a few flakes. So, I’m thinking, I trust Neutrogena.  I got myself a bottle of the T/Gel Therapeutic Shampoo.  Read the directions.  Put it in the shower.  Got myself ready.

The thing I forgot to do was smell the sumbitch before slapping it all over my head.  I thought I was going to pass out.  But, I was committed.  So, I followed the instructions.  Then tried washing with a different shampoo.  Tea Tree–that should work, it’s pretty strong, I think to myself.  Eight shampoos later, my head still smells like creosote and evil.  The Devil may wear Prada, but even he won’t go near this stuff.

Seems the active ingredient is coal tar.  It’s not cheap, either.  I think it’s because it’s only made one day per year, December 26th.  That’s the day the elves take the coal dust from the bottom of the “naughty” sack and distill it down into a big vat of pure Essence of Santa’s Hatred.

I am going to a fancy tea room for High Tea tomorrow.  I smell like I sleep in a shipyard.

Neutrogena, I trusted you.  I feel violated.  And, for the record, I still have flakes.

For the truly adventurous, (or the criminally insane), you can get it at Drugstore.com.  But don’t say I didn’t warn you.