The thing I forgot to do was smell the sumbitch before slapping it all over my head.  I thought I was going to pass out.  But, I was committed.  So, I followed the instructions.  Then tried washing with a different shampoo.  Tea Tree–that should work, it’s pretty strong, I think to myself.  Eight shampoos later, my head still smells like creosote and evil.  The Devil may wear Prada, but even he won’t go near this stuff.

Seems the active ingredient is coal tar.  It’s not cheap, either.  I think it’s because it’s only made one day per year, December 26th.  That’s the day the elves take the coal dust from the bottom of the “naughty” sack and distill it down into a big vat of pure Essence of Santa’s Hatred.

I am going to a fancy tea room for High Tea tomorrow.  I smell like I sleep in a shipyard.

Neutrogena, I trusted you.  I feel violated.  And, for the record, I still have flakes.

For the truly adventurous, (or the criminally insane), you can get it at Drugstore.com.  But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I’m not just crazy about handbags.  I’m also crazy about art.  And, after today, I’m crazy about Blick Art Materials.  I’ve ordered from them several times before, and I have always been very satisfied with their selection and prices.

Long story short, I voiced a complaint via their web interface about a problem I was having with their checkout system.  Turns out, the problem was ME.  I was the one at fault, for not grasping the concept of price changes between the day I placed something in the cart and the day I actually tried to purchase the item. 

The thing is, Lisa, the Order Department Lead, bent over backwards to make me happy, even though it was entirely my fault.  Not only did she explain what had happened in language that didn’t make me feel like an ignoramus, she offered to allow me to complete the order using the (now expired) coupon discount and pricing.  Their webmaster was able to pull the information about which items had been in my (ever-changing) cart at the time.  Lisa even phoned me this morning so that I could complete the order over the phone with a minimum of hassle, and even expedited it so it would go out today.  I was nonplussed! 

I’ve rarely experienced this level of customer service with a retailer, and it’s important that I let other people know, even though this isn’t the best forum.  I know some of you who read my blog are “crafty,” so I thought you might be able to find some goodies on their site.  I swear, they have the largest selection of art and craft supplies I’ve ever seen.  And, their prices are extremely competitive–no need to clip that weekly coupon for “one single item at 40% off” (you know which coupon I mean).  I decided to become an affiliate (which, like all the retail links on this site, merely means that if you shop by clicking through the links here, it supports the site by kicking back a small percentage of the sale) but did not receive any compensation from Blick for reviewing my experience.  Blick was just well worthy of a mention, and I’m happy to do it. 

FREE SHIPPING on orders totaling $200 or more

Follow them on Twitter at @Blick_Art for notice of new sales, happening all the time!

Personalized Gifts: December 18th (this Friday!)
Non Personalized Gifts: December 21st (Monday!)

First, Gosline notes that consumers are much more confident in their ability to judge real from counterfeit if they see the item in context, e.g., if they see a handbag being carried by a woman vs. seeing it on the shelf.  Now, she doesn’t imply that consumers are truly any better at judging the difference, just that consumers will look at the “whole package” and pass judgment on whether a person looks like they would be carrying real or faux luxury.  I suppose this is good news for people like me, because I can infer that my beloved Balenciaga is safe from thieving hands when I pair it with my Birkenstocks.  (I’m thinking of marketing my look; I call it “frumpy fab.”)

What is most interesting, however, are Gosline’s conclusions about purchase motives.  In another working paper, “The Real Value of Fakes,” Gosline used interviews from hundreds of consumers who had knowingly purchased counterfeit goods (at purse parties, etc).  Within two years, a full 46 percent of those consumers had purchased the authentic version of the same product, even if they couldn’t tell the difference. 

Why is this so significant?  First, it explains why design houses seem to be looking the other way when it comes to counterfeit goods selling all over the internet and in your neighborhood malls.  There is clearly a benefit to the label if a shopper will spend as much as 10 times the fake price to purchase the exact same bag again.  46 percent is one heck of a conversion rate.  And why do we do it if we can’t tell the difference?  It’s the snob factor.  It’s evidently not enough to look the part, we don’t feel the power or status of luxury goods unless we actually spend the money.  We don’t get the high unless it’s the real thing.  I guess our conscience knows we’re only faking ourselves out with counterfeits. 

And I’ve been there.  Before I knew how counterfeits were made, and what counterfeits funded, I didn’t see the harm in owning them.  I quickly learned that the cost to society is too great to ever again purchase a fake.  Unfortunately, salespeople hardly ever give me a second glance when I walk into the boutique.  It’s a shame, because I only ever buy the real thing–and only from attentive, polite salespeople.  Because of the way I dress, I’ve learned to stop making snap judgments about whether or not a woman is carrying a real or fake bag.  I’ve seen some very well turned-out ladies carrying very poorly made counterfeits.  I’m not sure who they thought they were fooling.  One fake ruins a whole outfit.

Me?  I’m sticking with “frumpy fab.”

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to fondle any Aspinal in London, but, fortunately, they offer their yummy goodies to the US via their website.  Aspinal quality is amazing; their leather is superb, sumptuous, sublime–very typically “English” and unmistakeably elegant.  It’s rare to find anything of equal craftsmanship here in the US. Below are some excellent coupons to kick your holiday shopping into gear!

Get 10% Off your Entire order on 11.27.09 ONLY with code BLACKFRI

Get 20% Off your Entire order on 11.30.09 ONLY with code CYBERDAY

And look at the adorable keychain/purse charms I’ve found; Monkeys and Piggies and Skulls, oh my!

My favorite right now is the Victoria, very reasonably priced at $135.  It measures 14.5″ L x 12″ H x 6.5″ W with loads of pockets inside and clean lines outside.  It’s an excellent every-day size in a durable every-day fabric but the conservative Tartan really dresses it up. 

My prediction: more ladies are going to find their way back to Dooney & Bourke if they keep this up.  Bravo!

Right now Baghaus is having a huge sitewide sale, with free shipping AND a free bag hook for purchases over $50.

Check out this Big Buddha Taylor Bag – a gorgeous color with right-now woven look:

Big Buddha Taylor Bag – $ 73.10
Retail Price: 86.00
You Save: $12.90

Let’s hope they allow Zappos to retain its identity and customer service policies.  I love buying from Zappos, since they offer free shipping, including return shipping if the shoes don’t fit.  Who else does that?  They’ve also started carrying clothing, handbags, eyewear, etc., so Zappos.com is one of my regular stops when I’m window-browsing.  Check them out!

Women’s Apparel at Zappos.com

For anyone who has ever limped home after an event where your shoes were more fashionable than practical, a foot-saving option is now available in the UK (and, hopefully, soon in the US).  For as little as £5 (about $7.50), trendy partiers can press a button on a vending machine at many clubs around the UK and have a pair of flats discretely dispensed to save their poor, aching feet.  Rollasole flats come rolled up so they take up almost no space, come in a variety of colors and sizes, and even arrive with a bag to put the torturous high heels in for the trip home.  They can even provide a vending machine for your wedding or other event.

I look forward to having this option available here in the US, but for now I will settle for regretting my inability to come up with this ingenious idea myself.

Rollasole.com

Anyway, here’s the scoop:  A former flight attendant has designed a line of bags.  This is often a good thing.  Flight attendants must learn to pack light and think practical.  They know what to take, what to leave behind and how to pack efficiently.  They were the first to sport those darling little “bags on wheels” before everyone else.  If a flight attendant designed it, it must be great, right?  Well, in this case, maybe we missed the mark a bit.

The bags are made from vintage airline seat upholstery, with additions like seat-belt straps and buckle hardware.  The problem is, I’ve never been on any airline whose upholstery spoke to my inner diva.  Except, perhaps, the navy blue leather in Alaska Airlines’ first-class seats.  I suppose it will be durable, if a bit like, well, wearing your grandmother’s sofa cushion.  And belting it with her 1973 Pontiac.

Next gripe, the tote has a basic magnetic snap closure–bad idea for a travel bag.  It needs to zip fully closed or half your contents will wind up spewing out on takeoff.  But what about for a diaper bag?  Not enough functionality.  Needs more pockets for that, inside and out.

Shown here is the Galley Tote in Blue Lagoon.

From the website:

Our classic tote is hot off the runway with its clean simple lines and bright patterns. Deep and roomy enough yet stylish for all your favorite books and magazines. It’s a smart option for the working woman, traveling or the new mom.

• Inside zip pocket
• Cellphone/multi-function pocket
• 2 front flap pockets with magnetic snaps
• 2 side pouch pockets
• 4 metal feet on bottom
• 100% Nylon Flight Lining
• 15” straps with buckle connector
• Signature airplane hang tag
• Jumpseat charm detail

Limited Edition Vintage Pattern

Color: Blue Lagoon
(also available in Tropical Sunset)
Size: 15(L) x 15(H) x 6.5(W)
Price: $275.00

I admit it could be a fetching idea, for that…special someone.  But, for these prices, I think I’d rather have the airline ticket and leave the seat behind.  Check out jumpseatbags.com for more info.  And darling, I love you, but please remain in the cockpit.  I’ll deal with the bags.